Everyone has insecurities - A personal anecdote
I’m insecure about the fact that those of you reading this will poke at the lack of creativity or relatability, or maybe you’ll just think I can’t write. My only comfort is the fact that you’ve chosen to read this in the first place, and if you’ve made it even this far I must be doing something right in the way of expanding your thinking or maybe just keeping you interested.
From a young age we are taught to be extremely self-critical because whether it be through the media, through the criticisms from those close to us or our own comparisons between ourselves and others, very few people make their way through life without being made painfully aware of their various shortcomings.
I’m sure there are various biological, psychological, and sociological explanations for why people become insecure, and project such insecurities onto others, but I am no scientist or psychotherapist, in fact, upon reflection, I am probably insecure about the fact that academically, I mostly have the skillset for writing and little else for now.
I am far more invested in highlighting the fact that insecurities left unchecked can manifest in extremely dangerous ways. Within ourselves, the way in which insecurities can dictate the way our lives can pan out is something I have witnessed time and time again (bearing in mind I have only just turned 20), and yet it is something I rarely see mentioned in an age where everyone is so fixated on appearing ever-so-secure.
What are insecurities?
According to The light program, a mental health initiative based in the US, ‘insecurities are related to standards set by those we interact with’, whether it be our family and friends or from societal expectations, typically insecurities arise when we are comparing ourselves to that standard.
Specifically for black people in this society, given that the manufacturing of the current world is routed in anti-blackness, and as such we are already excluded from what is deemed as the societal standard in almost every sector, I think that black people are uniquely susceptible to becoming insecure in their creativity, despite historically having been able to influence western pop-culture through the entertainment industry. (something to watch out for).
Where do they come from?
Age
Assuming the majority of those of you reading this are between the ages of 18-25, your age is most likely a factor in your insecurities. This is a fickle, make-or-break period, where all of our decisions feel so existential in every aspect of our lives. For those of us that were over-achievers as children, there is pressure to carry this into adulthood, only now the stakes are higher, reputation, finances, and life satisfaction. The question of ‘how much time do I have’ runs through the minds of everyone with a life plan that isn’t mapped out by contemporary society, a society in which the pressure to be great derives from a chronic pursuit of financial capital, because at the end of the day if you’re not profiting, what is the point anymore? The insecurity that you aren’t good enough in your field to make money, could almost cripple you into submission to more traditional professions.
Fear of failure
For many of us, we have learned somehow that failure is unacceptable, and the pressure to be successful at what you are passionate about might end up being so great that you end up stagnant, pursuing nothing at all, or are at least waiting for the perfect time to pursue something, the perfect space, the right amount of seed money, a large enough platform.
As black individuals, and too many of us living in predominantly white societies, our history of being so heavily denied access only compounds the previous issue, because taking the safe route guarantees you the most access to spaces that work to advance you socio-economically.
Peer judgement
Even if we never want to fully admit it, peer validation makes a difference, especially for those of us still in uni, the idea that we do not live in a vacuum, and as a result, have eyes on us consistently is a narrative running in the background of our minds right in the middle of the decision to do or to not do something creative, something for ourselves, something that reflects the inner workings of our actual personas, beyond what we allow people to have access to. Being bold with your creativity threatens to strip you naked.
People are always going to have something to say, and though you might have your close friends there to support you, there will be those who are critical (those whose opinions we tend to afford more weight to). Some are selective with their support, those simply don’t get it, and those with their grievances against you.
Challenging your inner resistance
Why now is the perfect time
Before you enter a period of your life in which you have more to answer to, your mortgages, your children, your spouses, and your decisions become not your own, and a result of a bunch of considerations that will make you lead you to give pieces of yourself away, you should do something for you, even if to try it. If you end up taking a more conventional route or ending up working in a 9-5 job in a profession that would not have been your chosen, at the very least you could live with the satisfaction that you gave it your all in a time where you were able. If you are a uni student reading this, your degree should take partial president over your intellectual allocation. But the other part of your mind, where you allow yourself to imagine your ideal lifestyle, you should also allocate your efforts to, and eventually past these mere thoughts – put them into practice.
Whether it be in between assignments, or over the summer, put it into practice.
Not everyone has to be an entrepreneur, or a creative, not everyone wants to be. But we are fortunate enough at least to live in a society whereby there are ways to make money from almost anything, so this is not the era not to pursue your passions in fear of not making money, despite the currently depressing state of world finances.
Why fearing failure can’t inhibit the process of pursuit
(A bit of brute advice)
Unfortunately, setbacks and disappointments are inevitable. Life rarely immediately lives up to the expectations we have for plans in our head, and because we cannot force people to appreciate us, the key is to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’, because your anxiety around the issue will only continue to increase the longer you don’t.
Why peer validation is invalid anyway
Everyone is judgemental,
We are all entitled enough to think that our opinions are bible, and so everybody has opinions on almost anything. It is important that you should know though, that people’s judgements also do not matter because we are also an incredibly self-centred species, and people are rarely thinking about you past the few moments it took to critique you, they are far more focused on themselves.
People project far more than you’d imagine.
Something that I have come to realise is that the majority of the time when people are actively trying to prevent you from taking on a certain hobby/ passion or career path, they are usually projecting. There is the possibility that those around you telling you explicitly or otherwise not to take that ‘leap’ is mostly just insecure about the fact that they know they never could. 99% of the time, advice isn’t coming from an objective perspective. People bring their baggage and traumas, fears and anxieties mixed into their advice without even realising it. But this is not the time to cry out about how many ‘haters’ you have, simply feel for them and move on, knowing that their opinions hold no weight.
Your assumptions of other people’s opinions are projections of what you think of yourself.
As well as the fact that other people are unknowingly projecting their opinions onto you, there is also a very good chance that before even giving people the scope of your creative ability, you have projected pre-disposed ideas of yourself outwards, assuming that others think the things you think of yourself.
Ask yourself, are you living for the validation of others?
You also need to ask yourself, irrespective of your fears of being perceived, are you living for the validation of others? Is that creative dream you have for yourself purposeful only to be approved by others? It is important to show up for yourself before you even think about showing up for others.
Channelling insecurity into your creativity
If insecurities are based upon standards, you need to alter your standard to see progress, as the clichéd saying goes you can’t do the same things and expect different results, altering your standard could look like changing your environment in many different ways;
Surround yourself with other creatives/ entrepreneurs
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